My Debt

If I were to immerse my feelings in regret, shall my debt be paid?

I doubt a solution would be found amongst tears that blur and sting,

Dehydrate my sprit, see through red veined eyes. 

This I resolve I refuse to behold.

As for me, I shall hold my head up, proud to be alive, stronger, proven!

I’ll gather my skirts and gracefully rise, forging stumbles from the past out of my memory.

I refuse to blush; rosy cheeks will result only from the heat of determination,

for momma taught nothing in life is easy.

If only I could be as driven as she,

She will prove to be my motivation.

Single within her own rights.

A provider, nurse maid, banker, cleaner, sower; sowing seeds for her offspring to reap.

These too I shall be, singing praises to the only man who ever truly adored me. 

I will raise my head high and allow tears to flow happily only for he, providing thanks for free will, and with mine I will freely serve HE.

NO Regrets, I shall swim in rivers of wisdom, teach others the art of forgiveness,

Love the art of struggle and preserve my sprit alive.

And not fear death, for through death will my debt be paid.

you

all the thinking of wanting you here

sometimes becomes hurtful

the thoughts the smiles

i have pictured so many, many times

is it truly next year

for you ane me

i wonder i wonder

will i get to see you the beautiful person you really are

will i understand who you are to me

will i understand who i am to you

life is confusing now

and there have been days where i’ve wanted you here

sometimes i think you won’t like me

sometimes i think i won’t be good enough for you

where am i going

our my steps leading to you

am i going in circles

that seems like what my dreams tell me

being surrounded is what i always wanted

and now , that feeling no longer remains

always wanting to be apart

but now no longer, no longer do i wish to remain

apart of , among, or in between

it was what i thought i needed to be happy

but i was wrong

watching it from afar made me cry

because that’s how much i really wanted to be apart

this word i do not understand

because i do no even consider my self a friend

i don’t know what it means

to be a friend

sharing, caring, smiling, laughing

is that what its really all about

somethings i saw far away

made me want to stay away

feeling the need to protect my heart

feeling the need to protect what’s left of me

i guess you just have to take the good with the bad

i guess it won’t always be what you want and imagined