Waking up at night
Without you by my side
A strong, intelligent and beautiful young boy without a father,
Night after night, Iâ€™d cry.
I tried not to think about you,
Because I knew one day youâ€™d come for me.
I accomplished so much as a child,
I wish that you could only see.
God created something beautiful September 27, 1962.
A strong, courageous and beautiful womanâ€¦my mom,
The substitute for you.
Since you werenâ€™t there,
She took great care of me.
She was my Santa, Tooth Fairy, pride and joy,
Things you could never be.
Iâ€™m not waiting for you anymore.
A long time ago that stopped.
You missed out on the best son,
This is to you pops.
When I look in the mirror,
I think of how much of a fool I was.
I deliberately gave you my heart,
Endlessly you took my love for granted just because.
When I look in the mirror,
I visualize all the pain you put me through.
I couldâ€™ve had anybody I wanted,
But I rejected them because I was committed to you!
I think of all the things you told me,
And I wonder if any of it was true?
You hurt me so bad.
I wish I could just do the same to you!
I was once told,
That you donâ€™t realize what you have till itâ€™s gone.
I will never come back to you again.
I gave you too many chanced, Iâ€™m done!
Looking at such a beautiful person,
Waiting for all this pain to disappear.
I will never again see such a fool,
When I look in the mirror.
Lying in my bed feeling free.
Released from all my pain,
Finally finished loving someone who never loved me.
Still I smile because wisdom is what Iâ€™ve gained.
Transformed into unconditional hatred.
Again, I have to smile,
Because what I have is oh so sacred.
They say what comes around goes around,
And Iâ€™m so tired of waiting for it to be your turn.
Never knew I could be the person I was,
So I had to let that burn.
Realizing I canâ€™t just give up on love,
Throw in the towel and be through.
You on the other hand I can.
Thanks, Iâ€™m smiling because of you.
Roses are dead,
Violets are too.
Iâ€™m in love with someone else,
And finally over you.
I played all your self-indulgent games,
Put up with your fucked up attitudes.
Realized I was doing too much,
Never knew I was a priceless jewel.
I did my dirt,
But you did yours too.
You told all your friends our business,
And if you only knew how fake they were to you.
Itâ€™s a shame how youâ€™d act towards me,
In front of all your so called friends.
You donâ€™t even know how much you needed me.
I helped you stand!
But I got too much pride for that,
Way too much for you.
So Iâ€™m oh so happy,
To be completely, entirely, and absolutelyâ€¦over you
I thought you were the conclusion of my book,
But it turns out that youâ€™re only a chapter.
Finally deprived from your lies,
Realizing thereâ€™s never really a happily ever after.
Reading you page by page,
Trying to understand the description of your story.
Provoked by your words,
Confused, but still allowing you to allure me.
When you get lost,
Youâ€™d repeatedly come back.
But wait, somethingâ€™s not the same,
Love and attention is what you lack.
I tried to go slow as I possibly could,
But I couldnâ€™t do it, I canâ€™t take this anymore.
I canâ€™t stay in this one spot,
I have to move to the next chapter.
Iâ€™m sitting here lonely,
Miserable and confused.
Wondering how could I give a nigga my mind, body, and soul.
Ant still I get used?
I keep asking myself why?
Why did I have to be a victim of loves consequences?
Why is it that my heart always has to be so secluded?
Kept from others and fenced in?
Like a loaded beretta,
I was so anxious and ready to use that four-letter word.
Blind to the knowledge about the power it carries,
I mean, only stories Iâ€™ve heard.
Desiring a destiny of someone,
Who love is so demanding and strict.
Seek and you should find your worth,
And I guess mine aint shit.
Knowing at my age,
The technique of my wisdom is so unique.
But still allowing love to break me down,
And making me weak.
Iâ€™ve given up on love,
Because I never come out with the winning hand.
Having the potential to exceed in this game,
But continuously coming out with just a friend.
I canâ€™t keep intentionally preparing myself to get hurt.
I know my special someone is out there,
Waiting for me to release all of my love onto them determined for this to work.
I was taught to hold my head high.
I was taught to be strong.
I was taught to speak up,
Or not to be scared of anyone.
I taught to be confident,
And not care about the negative people say about me.
What if the negative is coming from you?
Why all of a sudden teach so differently?
I was taught to be open-minded.
Never to judge others, just leave them alone.
Now why is it so difficult to open your mind,
To someone so uniquely precious at home?
I was taught to want the word of the lord,
And everybody tries to give their all.
Mom what happened?
Why does it hurt a little when you catch me when I fall?
Is it because I was taught,
To love you unconditionally?
Short, broke, beautifully plumped, ma anything.
Why canâ€™t you just do the same for me?
I was taught to never stay down,
Because youâ€™d never get up to win.
Am I such a bad person,
Because in a different way I sin?
Ma, please help me.
Iâ€™m so down and I donâ€™t see how I can stand.
You taught me before.
Please, teach me how to get up again.