Breathe

I can be all the woman that u want
I can be all woman that u need
I can make ur wildest fantasy into reality…
But I cant now
Because I cannot Breathe

I could give u a love so unbreakably strong
I could give u happiness beyond belief
I could give u me day to night, night to day , day to night…
But I cant now
Because I cannot Breathe

Your 10 fingers around my neck are slowing griping tighter
Even when I notion to u that the white light near the end
Is getting brighter & brighter & brighter
From top to bottom I feel the
Jealousy
Animosity
Controversy
Hypocrisy

Lack of love
Lack of trust
Broken Promises
Empty Lust
Little Goals
Few Dreams
Restricts the airflow,
Suffocating me

You have a diamond,
A rare pearl from within the deep seas
You have what some men search a lifetime for…
You have all of this at your fingertips
But instead you choose to extract all of the air out of my body
Leaving me limp, lifeless…deceased
Because I could not Breathe

My Debt

If I were to immerse my feelings in regret, shall my debt be paid?

I doubt a solution would be found amongst tears that blur and sting,

Dehydrate my sprit, see through red veined eyes. 

This I resolve I refuse to behold.

As for me, I shall hold my head up, proud to be alive, stronger, proven!

I’ll gather my skirts and gracefully rise, forging stumbles from the past out of my memory.

I refuse to blush; rosy cheeks will result only from the heat of determination,

for momma taught nothing in life is easy.

If only I could be as driven as she,

She will prove to be my motivation.

Single within her own rights.

A provider, nurse maid, banker, cleaner, sower; sowing seeds for her offspring to reap.

These too I shall be, singing praises to the only man who ever truly adored me. 

I will raise my head high and allow tears to flow happily only for he, providing thanks for free will, and with mine I will freely serve HE.

NO Regrets, I shall swim in rivers of wisdom, teach others the art of forgiveness,

Love the art of struggle and preserve my sprit alive.

And not fear death, for through death will my debt be paid.

I shed tears

I shed a tear because
Your not here.

I shed a tear because
I know your happy up there.

I shed a tear because
My heart is so full of fear.

I shed a tear because
I know your watching over me
And I shouldn’t feel fear.

I shed a tear because
I miss you so much.

I shed a tear because
I love you.

I shed these tears
For reasons unclear.

Because I can feel your presence
Your right here .

Wiping away these tears.

The Law of Diminishing Returns

One slave,crudely fashioned for the business world
prerequisite for employment
Need to survive
One more day
Yet alone
One more day
Special training will be provided
No need to apply
Your employment has just been guaranteed

Your rules of employment
evident in the fact that you exist
oftentimes without the need for intellect
Personality excluded
You now have the right to reproduce
every family member is entitled
to similar benefits
After several breaths have occurred
In effect signing their contract

After some time in our union of workers
you may gain a name
Your family will be established in society
Simply due to its affect on societies construction
Let the nameless earn their own way
Warning
Some blood stains do not wash away
but require special treatment before they
dissolve into organic structures
barely recognizable as what they ever
Were

It is not the responsibility of management
to heal broken bodies or parts thereof
nor broken spirits therein
Be it known at the onset of employment
that your wages are negotiable tender
totally valued by your employer
according to daily market values he establishes
As produced by expected market fluctuations

In the event you may be released
from your present contractual obligations
it is agreed that 40 acres and a mule
shall be your precondition to retirement
It is your employer’s desire that you
be brought up in the fullness of your experience
and acceptable as a full citizen
Your descendants will be privy to these same
Earned benefits

Be it fully understood that one man or woman’s labor
is equal under God’s eyes
Your employer welcomes you and your offspring into
Society
As we know it
As you soon will know it
Liberated and free to grow
Educate your young
Know the fullness of life within it’s safe confines
Breathe deep
Know you are on hallowed grounds
A privilege you may fully understand
One day,yet to come

Warning
Once an employee is fully informed
to that degree to which he is entitled
It remains the former employees
Responsibility
As a fully capable member of society
To indoctrinate and elucidate
possible future…….”naturalized”
Employees
Of all published and unpublished
Rules of operation
As they may pertain to newly applicable rules
which may revise previously stated rules
Referred to from this point on as “Enterprise Structures”

It is further stated as a matter of
Confederation
That all incidents related to company operation
Now referred to as
“Casualties and Acts producing Casualties”
shall be the “Soul” responsibility
Of the employee
and all the heirs of the employees
Ad Infinitum or
Till Hell boils over

My life…

You may think my life is all goodie goodie and fun
But my life ….(HA) its like a child in a burning down home
Smoke head to toe fighting its way into her lungs
Thick black fog is all you see not knowing where you going to be
Calling out to her mom and dad the smoke tasting like a gallon of gas
Hearing them calling back but she focus on the chemicals and smell
Then all of sudden their call get dell
Now the questions is “will I have to make it out on my own
Or will I need someone to help me carry on”
But den in yet she make it out on her own sweating head to toe and all alone
This is my me a scared and lonely girl

Invisible Fight

You press me against
the wall
your nails sink deep into
my chest
my neck

Your hands around my
neck
holding me
choking me
I struggle to breath
as I feel myself
Losin this battle

I cough,I scream
You apologize
Maybe next time
I won’t make it back

Everyday this
invisible fight,
Ignored by some
but seen by many,
continued without
fail
But I live in denial
as I go through this
hell.

My love,My heart,
Why do you hurt me so?
Maybe,I think as
I settle into darkness,
its just my time to go.

As long as I can remember

As long as I can remember
you always been
the cinomin brown short round lady
with a swanky walk and a sweeky talk

As long as I can remember
coming through the door throwing my school bag on the floor
picking up the phone in due time
6-2-6-0-7-1-9
the number that reamains in my head
even though I know you are dead

As long as I can remember
you were everything and knew everything
you told me that I could be anything
you knew when enough is enough
you were there when times were tough
you was the superglue that kept us together
you made things much more than better

As long I can remember
every weekend was at grandma and grandads
it was just last night I was snuggled between you two in bed
even though I couldn’t move a inch a whole night though
I had the best dreams ever that is true

As long as I can remember
every sunday after church
we were all in the kitchen cooking, cutting, slicing, dicing, rolling, mixing, stirring and shaking
sneaking a piece so you wouldn’t catch me taking

I remember
As I got older, things got rougher
you got sicker and it bacame tougher
The day you went in I just knew you be Ok
you’ll be back in a few days and everything will be the same
sunday was going to be my day to visit
but I was just a day to late
August 15,1998
was the day I thought I would never see
dead is what I thought you would never be

As long as I can remember
you were my light in the dark
you were my Dr. Phill when I needed to talk
you helped me crawl… so now i can walk

Kya’s Story

si_love2@hotmail.com

Positive!!! I can’t believe this, my whole life flashed before my eyes. It seems just

yesterday I was a young girl growing up in the 80’s. Life couldn’t get much better than

planet rock on the radio and skating to play it at your own risk at the roller rink. That’s

when I was funky fresh 2 death, blazen- shouting out “ho now & whip-whip”. Back when

I jumped double-dutch and played hide and go get it in the park after dark. Going

swimming at the community pool and eating free lunch in the park. (Remember those

bolonga and cheese sandwiches or that thick peanut butter and jelly on the round roll.)

Fighting with the girls in the neighborhood about my boyfriend not knowing he was

supposed to be ‘what’ their boyfriend. Life was simple before the weed smoking, 40

drinking, M.D. 20/20 strawberry banana red sipping, cutting class, playing hooky and

running from the truant officer.

1983 jumbos now on the scene, everybody trying to clock them dollars,

turned wanna be gangsters and hustlers. Big Daddy Kane said, “anything goes when it comes

to hoes cause pimping ain’t easy.” Now ain’t that the truth cause crack was

the pimp and it made me its hoe! Now I’m living in hell with this unquenchable thirst.

Doing what I do, by any means necessary, what ever works to get that next fix, that blast.

Never quite like the first, but trying to make this hit last. Life was simple

before county lockup with the jones. My body’s aching stomach hurts I’m crying out,

“Please God take this pain away from me, I promise I won’t use anymore.”

Mid 90’s I’m coming home clean and sober. Brighter

days are here. I’m working got a new car, apartment, and a new man. Life couldn’t get

much better than this, so it seems, there are some rumors going around town about the

true love that I’ve found. They say, “do you know he got that batman, that thang –thang,

the As-I-Die-Slowly.” I don’t believe nothing they say, I’m going to get checked to prove

them all wrong, because my man loves me and he wouldn’t keep something like that

from me. The doctor’s office called, it took 2 weeks for the results to come in, my

appointment tomorrow at noon. As I anxiously sit in the waiting area I hear my name

called. I follow the nurse to where the doctor is waiting, he asks me to sit down, checks

his chart turns to me and says, “Ms. Brown I’m sorry to inform you that you are HIV positive.”

Positive –‘DAMN’ I’m positive.

After being told that your HIV Positive, so much runs thru ones mind. I want to live I don’t

want to die. Why did this happen to me? What do I tell my family, how will my friends treat me.

How could the man that I love do this to me? The drive home was grueling, I stopped off to the

neighborhood bar for drinks to calm my nerves some. Got to tell my man what he’s done,

‘DAMN!’ For the first time in a long time everything in my life was going right. Was there

something In my past that I had to atone for, If so why does the repayment have to be death? I

feel like I’m being punished, Why me?

My nerves are still a mess, so I have one more drink then I leave. I get to the house my man

is there. I go inside and take off my jacket, I sit down beside him, he asks how was my day and tell him what the

doctor said. He denies that it was he who has given me this disease. I tell him what my friends were saying. He

became angry then punches me in my face!!!! And that punch lead to other punches followed by

kicks, he beat me to a bloody pulp. And as he left the house he spit on me while my lifeless body

laid on that living room floor.

I was bleeding, crying, hurting, and feeling sorry for myself on that living room floor. So

much runs through ones mind. Maybe he didn’t give it to me. Maybe it’s me. But I knew better, I

know for a fact that it was my man who handed me this death sentence like he was judge and jury

himself. Now I’m wondering, How many others have fallen pray to his ill disregard for life? How

many innocent victims he has left behind? Yes, victims for Love, We are victims for wanting

someone to love us, victims for wanting to give our love unconditional. Victims because we had listened to a

man that said all the right things, “your beautiful, I need you, you complete me, I Love You.”

So much runs through ones mind. As I lay in this hospital bed looking back, Dear hearts

choose life. Choose life, there is no one more important then yourself. If he says that

“the condom is too tight”, “doesn’t fit”, “it doesn’t feel natural”, “why should he have too”…

Love yourself enough and CHOOSE TO LIVE!

Where You Been?

by – Tech* – Goldskinnedpoet

Brother? Where are you?
I hear you callin but can’t find you.
Tell me which way to turn in this search
Where should I go next, where should I go first?
Soul seeking on a spiritual level
Though no longer on earth I intend to find you in heaven.
Brother, where are you? Turn my eyes to the light.
Help me to find you and succeed in my fight.
To cast the devil back where he belongs
Exorcise the demons I have trapped in my heart.
Brother, where you been? How are things where you are?
Is it cold or can you feel the heat from nearby stars?
Brother, just tell me this. Why did you leave?
What was the reason for God having your soul retrieved?
Brother, do you know how mom cries over you?
Envisioning all the things you never had the chance to do.
Brother, I try to be good here on earth.
But things is hard sometimes, I seldom do right first.
But brother I know you forgive me.
Cause I forgive you.
It wasn’t your fault what happened. They killed you.
One more question brother before I let you leave.
Fear is real but am I right to believe?
See, my faith sometimes hangs in question.
And thoughts of heaven require introspection.
I think it’s real cause of the things I’ve seen.
And if it isn’t then Brother where have you been?