Kya’s Story

si_love2@hotmail.com

Positive!!! I can’t believe this, my whole life flashed before my eyes. It seems just

yesterday I was a young girl growing up in the 80’s. Life couldn’t get much better than

planet rock on the radio and skating to play it at your own risk at the roller rink. That’s

when I was funky fresh 2 death, blazen- shouting out “ho now & whip-whip”. Back when

I jumped double-dutch and played hide and go get it in the park after dark. Going

swimming at the community pool and eating free lunch in the park. (Remember those

bolonga and cheese sandwiches or that thick peanut butter and jelly on the round roll.)

Fighting with the girls in the neighborhood about my boyfriend not knowing he was

supposed to be ‘what’ their boyfriend. Life was simple before the weed smoking, 40

drinking, M.D. 20/20 strawberry banana red sipping, cutting class, playing hooky and

running from the truant officer.

1983 jumbos now on the scene, everybody trying to clock them dollars,

turned wanna be gangsters and hustlers. Big Daddy Kane said, “anything goes when it comes

to hoes cause pimping ain’t easy.” Now ain’t that the truth cause crack was

the pimp and it made me its hoe! Now I’m living in hell with this unquenchable thirst.

Doing what I do, by any means necessary, what ever works to get that next fix, that blast.

Never quite like the first, but trying to make this hit last. Life was simple

before county lockup with the jones. My body’s aching stomach hurts I’m crying out,

“Please God take this pain away from me, I promise I won’t use anymore.”

Mid 90’s I’m coming home clean and sober. Brighter

days are here. I’m working got a new car, apartment, and a new man. Life couldn’t get

much better than this, so it seems, there are some rumors going around town about the

true love that I’ve found. They say, “do you know he got that batman, that thang –thang,

the As-I-Die-Slowly.” I don’t believe nothing they say, I’m going to get checked to prove

them all wrong, because my man loves me and he wouldn’t keep something like that

from me. The doctor’s office called, it took 2 weeks for the results to come in, my

appointment tomorrow at noon. As I anxiously sit in the waiting area I hear my name

called. I follow the nurse to where the doctor is waiting, he asks me to sit down, checks

his chart turns to me and says, “Ms. Brown I’m sorry to inform you that you are HIV positive.”

Positive –‘DAMN’ I’m positive.

After being told that your HIV Positive, so much runs thru ones mind. I want to live I don’t

want to die. Why did this happen to me? What do I tell my family, how will my friends treat me.

How could the man that I love do this to me? The drive home was grueling, I stopped off to the

neighborhood bar for drinks to calm my nerves some. Got to tell my man what he’s done,

‘DAMN!’ For the first time in a long time everything in my life was going right. Was there

something In my past that I had to atone for, If so why does the repayment have to be death? I

feel like I’m being punished, Why me?

My nerves are still a mess, so I have one more drink then I leave. I get to the house my man

is there. I go inside and take off my jacket, I sit down beside him, he asks how was my day and tell him what the

doctor said. He denies that it was he who has given me this disease. I tell him what my friends were saying. He

became angry then punches me in my face!!!! And that punch lead to other punches followed by

kicks, he beat me to a bloody pulp. And as he left the house he spit on me while my lifeless body

laid on that living room floor.

I was bleeding, crying, hurting, and feeling sorry for myself on that living room floor. So

much runs through ones mind. Maybe he didn’t give it to me. Maybe it’s me. But I knew better, I

know for a fact that it was my man who handed me this death sentence like he was judge and jury

himself. Now I’m wondering, How many others have fallen pray to his ill disregard for life? How

many innocent victims he has left behind? Yes, victims for Love, We are victims for wanting

someone to love us, victims for wanting to give our love unconditional. Victims because we had listened to a

man that said all the right things, “your beautiful, I need you, you complete me, I Love You.”

So much runs through ones mind. As I lay in this hospital bed looking back, Dear hearts

choose life. Choose life, there is no one more important then yourself. If he says that

“the condom is too tight”, “doesn’t fit”, “it doesn’t feel natural”, “why should he have too”…

Love yourself enough and CHOOSE TO LIVE!

3 thoughts on “Kya’s Story

  1. Wow!!! This really touched me. Although I couldn’t imagine how you felt, or feel…I just wanted to let you know that this piece is amazing.

  2. Actually this is a piece that I submitted to Vibe Magazine for their Dec 1st Positively Negative AIDS Awareness Day. Most of it is true about a dear friend of mine. I couldn’t let her story go untold. I am so glad that you liked it however I want You!! to tell her story and let people know how important it is to protect themselves. Love yourself enough and CHOOSE TO LIVE!

  3. I think that the stoy was amazing and I was really touched by it. It made me cry because it hurts to know that you have alot of courage and I dont. I am HIV positive and I am still dealing with it hard. But your story gave me alot of hope.

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